When something comes to an end, it hurts. It is suppose to. Whether it be a life that has ended, a relationship that has ended, friendships soured, family gone wrong…it doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong. All one is left with is a lot of hurt and sadness. And somehow, we’re suppose to carry all that baggage with us and move on. Along the way, that baggage gets heavier and heavier and we get weighed down. Everyone tells us that we have to let it go and often we thought we did. Most of the time, we have. But, the emotions and feelings that we went through, the aftershocks that hit us during those painful times, those still linger despite our best efforts to forget.
As I sit here with my grandmother, in her room, I take quick glances at her to see if she’s ok. Here’s a woman who has lived 88 years – been there, done that, seen and been through so much. She’s laid to rest a husband, sons, grandchildren and yet somehow she’s still here. In all the years that she’s lived and in burying so many loved ones, she sometimes sits or lies down on her bed, arguing with God about all that has happened and asking that proverbial question, why? And yet, she’s still here, despite her best efforts at telling God to take her. She has her quiet moments like this with her maker – arguing, crying then ending it all with prayer because there is not much else that one can do. And I’m amazed. Life has thrown so much at her and still she can pray…and argue!
On the other side, so many give up or let the sorrows of the world swallow them up. Or we become twisted and conceited, looking down on everyone else thinking they’re looking down on us. Half the time I’ve realized it’s because of deep-seated fear and unresolved resentment. We’re never at peace, we’re always unhappy and I’m not even sure why or at what. When you lose something precious you come to realize so much of what you thought was important, wasn’t really important at all – your pride, your ego, your principles, your opinions, your ambitions, grudges, your insecurities, your belief in your own infallibility etc. It is painful how life is so very short and unpredictable. A re-prioritizing happens somewhere down the line and though much of the future is shrouded in this dense, thick fog that you cannot get past, all that needs to be done before you at this very instant is crystal clear. But the funniest thing is that despite the present being so ‘crystal clear’ it feels more and more like that clarity applies only in the vicinity of your personalized ‘bubble’ and all around you still remains that thick, dense fog. Maybe we could all learn from my grandma – let it out once in a while, argue, cry but pick yourself up and end with a prayer, a hug, a laugh or whatever it is you wish to end with.
As I browse through my music list to see songs that match my mood, only these two songs seem to sum up how I’m feeling, Better In Time by Leona Lewis and Slow Dancing In A Burning Room by John Mayer. Though upon immediate listening, it only seems to apply to people saying goodbye to a significant other, it really can be expanded to encompass a whole length and breadth of situations not necessarily romantic. I know also am not the only one who will be yo-yo-ing about between these two feelings in the two songs above. Everywhere around me, it feels like things are definitely on fire and yet I also know, that once again, it’s but one out of a number of bumps along the road. So here is my ending to it all – God give me the strength to endure and the grace to endure and the wisdom to endure till I finish my good race and go home.
mymusingsaday 